I am telling all of you the truth. I have heard the Eternal’s decree. He said clearly to me, “You are My son. Today I have become your Father. Psalm 2:7, The Voice
I feel like I’m stumbling through this relationship with God. I hope (now) that I never appear to be, or try to be, a teacher. I want to share my experiences and maybe an opinion or two, but I don’t foresee myself reaching any pinnacle of theological knowledge. God does give me beautiful experiences to share though, and hopefully I will never forget them.
In 2012 I was introduced to God as Father, and fell in love. I had no idea that fatherless-ness was such a huge part of my existence. I was enamored by His love for me. A true Father! There are no adequate words to describe the truth of being a “Beloved Son” and not only that, but seeing all of my false beliefs about God fall away–all of learned learned beliefs. How different it was to look at God as a Father–much the way Simba looked at Mufasa in the movie ‘The Lion King.’ I especially love the scene when Mufasa saves Simba & Nala from the hyenas; the last line of this exchange gives me great comfort (and a BIG smile) when I think of my true Father:
Simba: But you’re not scared of anything.
Mufasa: I was scared today.
Simba: You were?
Mufasa: Yes, I thought I might lose you.
Simba: I guess even kings get scared, huh?
Simba: But you know what?
Simba: I think those hyenas were even scared-er.
Mufasa: [laughs] ‘Cause nobody messes with your dad!!
I love it! This scene shows my relationship with God in more reality than any teaching that I’ve heard. I have never felt so loved, protected, and adored. His heart for me is so good, and I just don’t know how I didn’t see this before.
Lately, though, I’ve let something else creep in–maybe hyenas. The Father/son relationship that took my breath away has started to turn into more of “what do I have to do now to hang on to this?’ Well, my answers are usually along these lines: I need to carry the message somehow, I need to do more, I need to be more, I need to grow, I need to read more books, attend more events, lead more groups, write more, get more education… and on and on. At the end of the day all I have is unfinished business, a feeling of failure, and frustration.
In short, I have let a lot of busyness take the place of the relationship that I so adore. When I take a true look at my motives for all of this activity what I usually find is that I’m looking to these things to validate me, to prove my worth when that has already been settled. Just like Simba did in the movie–I have forgotten who I am.
One day, not long after this Father/son relationship began, I had all of these things buzzing around my head and didn’t know where to start all of this busyness so I asked God “what is it that you want me to do?” The answer that came to my heart was “Enjoy your peace and freedom.” It was so beautiful–the prodigal son returns and instead of becoming a slave he is thrown a party. There is also the whole “My yoke is easy and my burden is light” thing. Still, even though it was extremely kind, it also sounded counter-intuitive–difficult for me to believe. But so far He has never told me anything different. I felt I needed to ask myself these questions: “Am I truly free? If so, then I don’t want to work toward that end anymore; I want to live in and enjoy my “peace and freedom.” What am I doing? Where have I taken my heart away from my Father and given it to busyness? What has happened to my first love?
So now I have to turn my attention to the men who introduced me to my Father. What was it that attracted me to them? Was it the fact that they held such profound knowledge? That they were successful? That they were great writers? That they were well known, powerful men of God? That they were great speakers? I have to say no. That is all true, but what really attracted me was the way they talked about God and to God. The way they prayed–not like a petition to a higher authority, but like a conversation with a loving and known personality, and with trust and honor. That is what made me want to listen to them, their relationship, not their knowledge. It was their heart for the Father that bore fruit in me.
Instead of trying to complicate something simple and beautiful, and until He tells me something different, Ill follow the wishes of my Father and enjoy the “Peace and Freedom” that He gave me through the gift of Christ. I believe what He wants most from me is my presence and attention. Instead of going out and trying to make things happen on my own, Ill put all of my life into this relationship, let Him worry about raising me, and just be a son.
That’s where I am right now.